It’s Easy to Recast Yourself as “The Hero”
Where is the “lost” cat in your life and why are you still bringing it hotdogs?
Dear Stork’d Family,
We all imagine ourselves as heroes
At least I do. When I am reading history, I always recast myself as the hero– the civil war soldier saving the United States, suffragettes fighting for the vote, or marching for justice, a hippie burning my bra. I think we all secretly do it. And yet, when confronted with those things you know will be history making, it can be tricky to know which moments will be colored with heroism and which are embarrassingly short sighted.
This also happens for me when I watch animal rescue videos.
For example, someone is driving down the highway and sees a mass of matted fur. They pull over despite the danger of oncoming traffic. They discover the critter is still alive. You can envision their superhero cape as they race the animal to the vet just in time. Often resulting in the discovery of a new lifelong interspecies friendship or temporary respite until the injured is well enough to return to the wild.
These acts of heroism remind us of our humanity and the beauty in all living things, be they a limping fawn, a wounded fox, or a lost dog. And when watching, we all want to believe that when offered the chance to change a life, we too would be the heroes.
Currently, in my neighborhood, a tiny cat is roiling emotions and creating a big war of words amongst our community Facebook page. Is it neglected? Or joyfully living an authentic feline existence? Is it in real danger or a product of changing cultural norms? Should someone do something about it?
You tell me.
Over the past month I have been noticing piles of kibble in random corners of the neighborhood - under street signs and fire hydrants and specifically clustered around one, nearby park. I have noticed these because I now spend my nights doing everything in my power to keep my dog from wolfing down these errant snacks.
Strange, I thought.
Strange indeed until a few days ago when the mystery revealed itself to me. On a recent evening dog walk, I stumbled across a small, black and white cat laying in the grass in a small park the approximate width of a brownstone. Given that on the other side of the leash I had a reactive dog who delights in chasing small birds and animals, I could only get so close. But it was close enough to take stock: The cat had a shiny black and white coat, clear eyes, no collar, and did not look to be visibly hurt. Still, I was concerned.
I returned a few minutes later, minus the dog, plus a leftover hot dog. I flourished my offering in hopes of enticing the cat in my direction. The cat startled and revealed the reason it had been sitting so still in the grass. It was guarding its catch: a small mouse which was now half eaten in the cat’s mouth.
I was embarrassed, my own imaginary superhero cape vanishing.
The cat’s apparent ability to fend just fine for itself made a mockery of my hotdog offering and the piles of cat feed well-intentioned neighbors provided. It is clear that this cat is effectively laughing at our community’s efforts to “save” it. Our attempts pale in comparison to the ability for the cat to care for itself by catching mice.
The hotdog is more for me than for the cat as it is clearly a way for me to assuage my feelings of guilt and disappointment at my own anti-heroic shortcomings.
I live in a brownstone neighborhood of Boston filled with parks like the one where I found this cat. It is the epitome of gentrification. About 30 years ago a collection of 10 gay couples revitalized the area block by block. They made their section of the neighborhood chic and desirable, attracting more members of the gay and artistic communities. Soon they had created a vibrant food and art scene. When I moved in 14 years ago, I was one of the few straight people on my block. Also in this vibrant community - a handful of outdoor cats who were kept with the intention of controlling the rodents. The community eventually changed. It is now primarily upper middle class coupled inhabitants with young children, lots of strollers and many dogs. With this change, both the art scene and the outdoor cats have largely gone.
That evening, I reached out to a friend and neighbor who is effectively the pied piper of the neighborhood's furry friends and small children. She responded with a very active, very intense Facebook comment thread about this very cat.
The Facebook thread is full of vitriol- anger from community members brandishing their own superhero capes. Some have even confronted the cat’s owner to find that they can’t, or perhaps don't want to, prevent the cat from escaping. “Heroes” worry that the cat will be run over or get hurt. “Heroes” worry about the bird population. “Heroes” believe that an owner who cannot control a wayward cat is negligent and shouldn’t own a cat.
And yet, cats have survived in my neighborhood for decades. This cat appears to be thriving - regularly sneaking out for midnight mice-catching excursions and snacks. I do not know anything about this cat’s owner. But I suspect their cultural expectations for cat ownership are in conflict with the Facebook community board posting population. Their cat can come and go at will.
I wonder then, if what has changed is not the immediate danger to this cat but our changing attitudes and opinions. Could it be that with the demographic shift, our expectations for what good pet ownership looks like has changed? Is this a cat at risk or is it representative of a bygone cultural attitude towards caring for a pet?
It may sound silly to put so much stock in a controversial cat, but it has me thinking about who and what qualifies as “right” and why we all feel the need to be the hero.
This is inspiring me to consider my own sense of self importance. It is an act of vanity to assume that we are the heroes for this cat, that we have something better to offer than it can provide itself. Why is our hero complex so strong? We all want to be the knight in shining armor in situations that may not need a rescuer.
This cat is leading me to revaluate where I am leaving kibble out in my life for things that do not need to be fed. This cat is leading me to ask myself where I am taking ineffective action based on incorrect assumptions and to feed my own ego instead of thinking what the “cat” in my life might actually want or need. This cat is leading me to think a lot about what we are metaphorically feeding that is not serving us.
So dear Stork’d family, where is the “lost” cat in your life and why are you still bringing it hotdogs?
Best
Julia
This newsletter is coming a little off schedule - it took me a while to get it juuust right. Thanks to some great editing advice from Jess, the pied piper
Gestating Around the Internet
In all my interviews about family structures to date, the most polarizing topic is when a guest shares their decision to be childfree. Why is it so hard for many of us to accept that choosing to be childfree is a valid and wonderful choice? Why do so many feel personally attacked for their choice to have kids by the fact that some people make a different decision? And how do you navigate the in-between phase where you are not “putting it off” or “past peak fertility” but squarely in the “choosing everyday not to have kids” era?
This piece is an important reminder that whatever your family structure, it’s valid and you get to decide what’s right for you
https://open.substack.com/pub/thehyphen/p/free-to-read-excited-to-be-child?r=bgc&utm_medium=ios
This is a really jaw dropping (and wonderfully written) story from a woman who adopted her sister’s children (Kinship adoption) after the loss of her sister and brother in law… and was taken to court for custody because of her religious beliefs. Definitely one to read
Alabama hospital to end IVF treatments at the end of the year, citing litigation concerns
Child care benefits for workers effectively pay for themselves, new study finds
Continue the fight for families https://act.resolve.org/page/65597/action/1
The news on the Alabama front may be quiet for now, but a number of other states are exploring attempting similar fetal personhood laws. This article from a fertility doctor (a reproductive endocrinologist) is a great reminder of why we need to pay attention: https://www.medpagetoday.com/opinion/second-opinions/109192?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
Which current news story are you reacting to and why? Comment below:
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