Checking in with our hearts

A guest post exploring grief - a layoff at the same time as a loss anniversary - the global impact of the USAID defunding and Galentine's day.

Dear Stork'd Family,

How’s your heart?

Years ago, my friend C. and I started asking this question as an immediate way to check in with one another in a way that prompted depth and authenticity. It’s still my go- to question when I know I am capable of holding space for whatever the response is.

Another dear friend, Allie, answered in writing.

Allie is a disaster relief expert and she was just laid off from her global health role due to the US Government Funding cuts… while 5.5 months pregnant. This layoff comes on the heels of a one year anniversary of a painful loss (trigger warning).

This newsletter and its corresponding Podcast, Stork’d, are intended to provide safe spaces for shared experiences around our family lives - to build community through storytelling. And so, it includes an open ended offer for anyone who would like to share their story in a podcast episode or through the written word to reach out.

Allie took me up on my invitation to guest write for Stork’d and share where her heart is today.

I read this and I see a heart that is saddened, terrified, grieving and resilient. Please enjoy her beautiful words.

Take care of your hearts, dear fam.

Oh! one last thing, the invitation remains open for anyone in this little family to share your heart in writing or on the pod. Just reach out.

Julia

Allie’s Guest Post: Love, Loss and Leaning on Your Village

It is Valentine’s Day and equally, if not more important, Galentine’s Day – a day to celebrate all the people in our lives that we love. Those that bring us joy, make us laugh, go on our adventures and lift or even carry us through the hard times.

This time last year, I found out that my 1^st pregnancy (at 42!) was not viable. I was preparing for my D&C after a week of processing, crying and getting unbelievable support from my partner who was equally devastated and my village of friends.

This year, I am again pregnant – 5.5 months – and am absorbing the news that due to the US government funding cuts, my job has been terminated. The plan to work up until maternity leave and then have some paid time off to cushion my entry into motherhood is no longer available. Another week of processing, crying and getting unbelievable support from my partner and village.

A few people have asked about capturing the devasting effects of the US government pulling funds from global development and humanitarian projects. As a public health person, my mind is primed to first source numbers to describe the extent of people affected by this. But when these numbers become so great – like the 1000s of people abruptly laid off or furloughed or the millions upon millions of people served by these programs that no longer have access to essential, lifesaving care and support – I think it may be hard to compute the personal damage.

So here are some other words…

• From my Afghan colleagues who went on immediate unpaid leave after their project was shut down… ‘we are in economic shock’, ‘our families will face nutritional problems’, ‘we need help’

• From my dear colleague who has kept her job for now but the ongoing stress is overwhelming… ‘I should be happy, I am relieved, and I keep crying out of the blues. I am in bed brooding. I want the wave to pass, feels like I'm grieving’

Of course the ripple effects are devastating for truly the world’s most vulnerable people. From my side, the health perspective, we know programs that offered basic but lifesaving care came to a screeching halt.

The leading causes of death in many countries are still from preventable diseases that we don’t see in US because we have basic care.

Malaria, respiratory infections, diarrheal disease, measles – diseases that no one in the 21^st century should die from are ramping up without basic access to vaccines, clean water and adequate food.

Billionaires are cutting support to the most vulnerable among us in the name of cost efficiency. The waste of this halt – wasted medical supplies, food, research, lives – is anything but efficient. If looking for genuine and humane ways to reduce our US budget – look at more equitable tax laws for the uber rich and corporations – these breaks remove trillions from our budget. Look at ways to reduce and optimize our military spending – our budget of 900+ billion is bigger than the next largest 9 militaries combined. (For more info: check out Robert Reich’s brilliant breakdowns of our gov spending).

I read a quote from this week that I believe is entirely true:

A mind that is stretched by new experience can never return to its old dimensions.’ Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr

I know my mind and all of us who work in this field is forever influenced by what we’ve experienced. Working in a stabilization center that rehabilitates severely malnourished children, seeing children who have died from malnutrition and preventable disease, seeing how deeply inequitable the world is when it comes to fulfilling basic needs and how systems and circumstance perpetuate poverty - this forever changes you.

In the US, we are headed for systems that will more intensely work to keep lower income families impoverished and the wealthy elite in power.

I’m scared for my country but with that fear remains hope too. Stay engaged but also rest. Vote, use your voice and connect with advocacy groups but also cherish the good around you.

For me, on Valentine’s Day – my focus will be channeling deep gratitude for my village of loved ones. Stay strong out there and love each other harder than ever.

- Allie

Allie also curated some love quotes for love day to share with readers

• ‘I feel our nation’s turning away from love…moving into a wilderness of spirit so intense we may never find our way home again. I write of love to bear witness both to the danger in this movement, and to call for a return to love’ Bell Hooks (2000)

• ‘Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.’ Audre Lorde

And because Lorde is so good and this is so fitting on this Valentine’s/Galentine’s Day:

• ‘The love expressed between women is particular and powerful because we have had to love in order to live; love has been our survival’ Audre Lorde

---

Listen to this week’s episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher or Google Podcasts.

Things Gestating Around the Internet

• It’s too horrific to be imaginable: Women enslaved in Georgia forced to undergo painful egg retrievals in “human egg farm”. Almost as though someone ripped the plot from a Kazuo Ishiguro book. Honestly, just when I thought the world couldn’t get more dystopian.

• What we lose when families have fewer children - the Great Cousin Decline, The Atlantic. While this is not a new article, it resurfaced on socials this week so I am sharing with you because as our family structures evolve, we are leaving something special behind: Cousins.

Join one woman’s exploration to discover the many modern ways people define and build family

Listen & Subscribe on your favorite platform! Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Google Podcasts, Stitcher.