My Midlife is like a Geode

Comparing midlife and aging to family building, an overwrought analogy re: uncovering your true self by chipping away at a block of stone, Rebekah Diamond’s book “Parent Like a Pediatrician”

Jun 29, 2023

Dear Stork'd Family,

This week I had the joy of speaking with Wendy with Midlife Makeover as a guest on her podcast focused on achieving a vibrant midlife. As much as I hate to admit it, at 41 I am squarely at midlife.

In our chat (take a listen here), Wendy referenced a beautiful analogy of aging - the process of chipping away at a stone to uncover the hidden, miraculous sculpture of your self identity underneath.

purple and white round ornament — Photo by J Yeo on Unsplash

In our conversation, Wendy described the stone as marble, with Michelangelo's David calmly waiting under the surface to be uncovered. In his book “From Strength to Strength”, Arthur Brooks uses this same analogy with a block of Jade.

Does the stone matter? It does in so far as the process of gracefully sliding into midlife is similar to, often happens concurrently with, but is very different from that of building a family. Whereas midlife is about allowing your true self to be revealed with every life choice, each path taken and each chunk of stone carved (whether intentionally or accidentally a chunk falls off after too aggressive a hammer), family building is something far different.

You may, for instance, think you are working with Jade only to discover your material is Marble or Wood. You may be handed a far smaller chunk of stone to work with than you would have liked (perhaps an infertility diagnosis for you or a partner, or a surprise ending to a relationship), someone else or something else may take a sledge hammer to your perfectly constructed sculpture (as in the case of divorce or loss). You may be told to work in stone but far prefer creating with clay (as in those who prefer to avoid the white picket fence by eschewing marriage/ partnership or kids). You may crack open the stone to find a geode or a rainbow marbling no one expected.

I am beating this analogy to death (or maybe I am chiseling it wide open? Midlife may simply be about enjoying puns no one else finds funny).

Still, the conversation had me thinking…. Why does aging feel like a slow unveiling of your true self while family building can often feel like a game of American Gladiators, tackling each new challenge with hopes of reaching a desired end state?

What other analogies do you use when considering family and family building?

This week’s Stork’d episode features Rebekah Diamond, author of “Parent Like a Pediatrician” - a book that feels like having a best friend who is a pediatrician give you all the tea on major parenting decisions in the first year. This is the book I am giving to all my first time parent friends when they give birth and the one I wish I had.

Happy listening,

Julia

Listen to this week’s episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher or Google Podcasts.

Things Gestating Around the Internet

Why don't we take women's pain seriously? An exceptional article at the Washington Post about endometriosis and pain in teens and how dismissive medical professionals are regarding young women's pain

I really love this description from Emily Oster about how you change (what you gain/ lose) when you become a parent - it reminds me of an incredible interview about “mommy brain” with Chelsea Conaboy with NPR on how your brain changes while pregnant (a few slides detailing it visually here) and the following image:

An incredible announcement from Chrissy Teigan and John Legend on welcoming their 4th child via surrogacy. I love the vulnerability with which she shares her hopes and dreams around family planning, her heartache over having lost her son Jack, and the warmth which which she has connected to her surrogate.