We Are All Childless Cat Ladies
Dear Stork’d Family,
This week, VP nominee JD Vance tripled down on his comments about single cat ladies - first making a joke on the Megyn Kelly show that he has “nothing against cats” (implying he continues to have something against single people), and also that people without kids are “most deranged”, “less mentally stable”, “most psychotic” and finally indicating that those without kids have less of a right to participate in our democracy than those who are parents.
This drives me to share what I have been thinking for some time: We are all “Childless Cat Ladies”.
Yes sure, technically I’m a lady with a child and without a cat and you may similarly have your own identifiers – but in my opinion, “Childless Cat Lady” is an illustrative proxy for anyone whose family life does not look like the nuclear “ideal.” In the eyes of VP-candidate JD Vance, all of us are Childless Cat Ladies.
Those who throw that trope around imagine The Childless Cat Lady as a sad, pathetic person found lacking morals. Someone who is “more sociopathic” and less deserving of a full vote. The term is used to inspire derision and sympathy and intended to “other” anyone whose lives don’t live up to the expected norm for a nuclear family.
In that way, the “Childless Cat Lady” is a surrogate (pun intended) for:
Those of us who have chosen whom we marry
Those of us who have chosen not to stay married
- 43% of American first marriages end in divorce, the rate is higher for second (60%) and third (73%)
Those of us who are single (by chance and by choice)
- 46% of US Adults are single and 33% of adults have never been married by the age of 50
- And guess, what? unmarried, childfree women are the happiest
Those of us in queer partnerships
Those of us blending families in second marriages or partnerships
Those of us who are relying on or have relied on assisted reproductive technology to build a family
- Approximately 1 in 8 couples face infertility
- 2% of all babies born in the US are from IVF
Those of us who are adopted or have adopted children
And finally, those of us who are childfree, even those of us with cats!
- approximately 38% of American Adults do not have children, and if you look at those under 50, the number climbs to 47% of US adults don’t have kids, 57% of those don’t want them
Interestingly, it’s not the childless cat lady or alternative family structures that are “unusual”, “abnormal” or even, “alternative”. I am not a statistician, but it looks to me like most of us are in some way choosing non-nuclear family structures. Families like mine, and many of yours, by my estimation, seem to actually be the norm. And that seems to be exactly what is so triggering to people like Vance.
The self determination and freedom of choice that so defines the US national identity and is encoded in the very foundation on which this nation was built, has infused our family lives.
If the Childless Cat Lady is a stand-in for any family that doesn’t look like the traditional nuclear family, we are a nation of Childless Cat Ladies. We are now a nation of cat ladies, cat dads, and a more inclusive vision for family than ever before.
JD Vance’s comments on the childfree cat ladies and his endorsement of Project 2025 are attacks on the American family as we now know it.
So, while I am proudly parenting a 3 year old and one dog who howls as loud as 10, I identify proudly as a Childless Cat Lady.
Julia
Check out some of my favorite Stork’d interviews with childfree people ( Author Ruby Warrington, Coach Keren Eldad, and Chick Mission’s Tracy Weiss).
And for more alternative family structures, check out the newly organized Stork’d Podcast website, you can now sort by topic!
How are you a Childless Cat Lady? Click the button below to jump into the conversation:
Julia
Things Gestating Around the Internet
It’s not just cat ladies, JD Vance has a history of disparaging people without kids (CNN)
The Murderous Medieval Roots of JD Vance’s Childless Cat Lady Meme
Listen Season 6 here or on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher or Google Podcasts.
Listen & Subscribe on your favorite platform! Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Google Podcasts, Stitcher.
I have a Cat Lady for Kamala bracelet I have been wearing for the last month- I am a mother of 2 kids with 2 tuxedo cats who recently turned 1 year old. The nuclear family model takes away from the possibility of support from extended family and friends and having community fill the gaps for so many of us.